Stewards To Review Other Results

And here's the stewards showing us just how smart they are.
Thursday 11th September 2008

Following their great success at re-arranging the result of the 2008 Belgian Grand Prix, the race stewards are now turning their attention to other sporting events that have finished. Outraged sports writers from the world's news media have slammed them for having no experience in judging football or athletics or swimming, but now the stewards have hit back. They have rightly pointed out that they have just as much knowledge of floor gymnastics and athletics as they have of F1

Notices of Re-Classification

Olympic 100 metres
The Olympic 100 metres final has been reviewed by the stewards and Usain Bolt has had 25 seconds added to his time. The stewards verdict was that Bolt... "didn't run across the line properly and started celebrating way too early".

Tour de France
Carlos Sastre has hung on to his position as winner of the Tour de France, but second-place man Cadel Evans from Australia has seen his second place wiped out.

"Evans is just a back wheel sucker," said Belgian steward Yves Bacquelain, "he never does any of the work on a climb." As Bacquelain is the same nationality as the great Eddie Merckx his decision cannot be overturned.

Swimming
Michael Phelps has seen his Beijing medal haul cut from eight to seven after the stewards decided to hand the win of the 100m butterfly to Milo Cavic. Apparently second-placed man Cavic was almost there first and morally was the winner.

Gymnastics - Beam
Less controversial is the stewards' ruling that American gymnasts Natia Liukin and Shawn Johnson should swap positions in the Beam event at Beijing. Liukin drew huge praise for her artistic performance on the apparatus but lost out to a more complex, but artistically clunky routine from American rival Johnson. "We have decided that Nastia should get the gold because she is a much fitter than Shawn Johnson," said Nicolas Deschaux

Champions League Final
Chelsea are the new champions of Europe after winning the recalculated penalty shoot-out in Moscow. The stewards decided that Manchester United's narrow victory by 6-5 wasn't correct. They have allowed John Terry's missed penalty to count. "We feel that he would have scored if he hadn't lost his footing on a poorly prepared pitch, which was out of his control and so award him the penalty." Chelsea now win 5-4.

F1
And finally, Jenson Button and Nick Heidfeld will both have 10-place grid deductions for the Italian Grand Prix after the Kenyan steward discovered they both had beards as scruffy as Sebastien Loeb's.